It's possible I will die alone, surrounded by dogs.

Today is a very special day. On this day last year, my little baby dog was pushed out of his mum’s vagina and fell into the world as a ball of goo and fur. It’s a nice picture isn’t it?

So because of the momentous occasion that was his birth, Monty is spending the day with me at work. I love it when he comes into work with me. He barks at the boys, and gives me an excuse to go for walks outside so he can go to the toilet. It’s always a cruisy day when Monty is in the office.

As soon as we got to work this morning, I gave Monty one of his presents to unwrap. I only brought three with me, as I want to give him most of them at his party on Sunday (yes, I’m having a party for my dog, shut your face). He started ripping into it and when he got a good hold on the toy inside, dragged it out and started flinging it around.

Donkey is already dirty as all hell. He’s such a whore.

Then I gave Monty his brand new collar. It’s black, shiny, has a bell (you know, so he can’t pounce on any birds) and says Macho in diamante letters. I think it suits him perfectly, as he’s quite manly. He runs around with flowers in his mouth, and his favourite toy is a pink bone with love hearts all over it. See how much of a man he is?

Now I’ll always know where he is by the jingle of his bell. How handy. Also, his last collar was fucking ugly. It was mustard yellow with stupid silver bones on it. Now he’s a pimp, just like his mother.

The last present he got for the day was from Ally. He chewed on that one for ages, ripping at the paper like a demon, and then chewing on the blanket that was inside. I had to take it off him so he didn’t destroy the lovely blanket Ally bought with her hard earned money from working the streets. Uh, I mean selling giftwares.

It’s on his little bed now, and he’s finally realised it’s not a toy, so he’s having a nap on it. It’s been a big day for Monty. You know, barking at people, sleeping in the car, running around with a donkey in your mouth, peeing on things and ripping paper really take it out of you. And it is 8.30am, so it’s definitely time for a sleep.

I should take him for a walk soon to give me something to do.