This weekend my dad will be coming to the Coast to see his Thai girlfriend off. I’m glad that I get to see dad before Christmas, since I can’t visit him as I’ll be overseas, but at the same time I’m fucking pissed. My 21st birthday was in September, and I had invited dad down to celebrate with everyone else. He originally said that he might make it, but then said that he just couldn’t afford to. I understand why he couldn’t afford it; he’d just paid for his girlfriend to come to Australia for three months. He paid for the return flights, the transfers, everything along the way, her VISA, her EVERYTHING. He then turns around to me and says he can’t make it to my 21st because he’s broke.
I get it, he’s lonely. I also get that it’s his money and he can do what he likes with it, but it’s not like my 21st was a big surprise event. He knows my birthday, and he knows how old I am, so I don’t understand why he didn’t put something away for it.
I was ridiculously unhappy with this, and still am. Then, I find out that he’s flying to Brisbane with her to see her off at the airport when she goes back to Thailand. So basically, he couldn’t afford to come and see his only daughter for her 21st, but he can afford to fly to the same town that I live in two months later so that he can make sure Thai Girlfriend gets on a plane safely.
On my 21st, I received a card from dad and Jen (who I’ve only met once), with $100 and “Happy Birthday. Love Dad and Jen” written on the inside. There were no personal messages, nothing saying he was proud of me or that he was sorry he couldn’t make it down. It was even less personal because he had written her name in it. How had she become such a big part of his life already? When he met her, he was in Thailand for a month, and then all of a sudden he’s over there again and bringing her back with him.
I’ve always rated pretty low in my dad’s life. He’s never known how to act around me or what to expect, so naturally he was closer to my brothers. That doesn’t mean that he makes much more effort for them, it’s just that he gets along with them better. I never cared that much, but now that I’ve noticed, it won’t go away. He never makes an effort for us kids, ever. We always have to fly up to see him and when we do he doesn’t even take time off work to spend time with us, so we’re left sitting around on the farm for a week.
I love my dad, I really do.
But he needs to step up and be a fucking father.
I think he blames us for what mum did to him. Mum married him, had three children with him, and then left him. She’s gay. She’s always been gay, but because of how she was brought up (with a gay father who hid it and was severely fucked up) she felt that she had to hide it in order to be happy. She finally realised she had to be true to herself, and left dad. He was devastated, which is to be expected. He still isn’t over it, and rarely speaks to mum. Unfortunately, we seem to be copping the blame from dad. I don’t think he realises that he’s doing it, but it’s happening and it hurts. All I want is my dad to be there for me. Is that so much to ask?
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