This post is all about my bladder. Seriously.

I have failed you, creepers that actually read this. I didn’t tell you anything amusing in my last post. This was mainly because I hadn’t had my customary ‘after lunch’ coffee, but I’ve had it now so I can blog properly. Maybe.

As I mentioned, I stayed at my nan and pop’s place on the Gold Coast over the weekend, which is about an hour and a half from my place. Dad and I went shopping yesterday and got back to nan and pop’s at around midday. I decided to have a cup of coffee and some lunch before making my way home.

It was a brilliant idea to have a coffee so close to leaving for a long drive. Seriously, I am obviously above average intelligence. Half an hour into the drive, I was filled with dread as I realised I had to pee. I ignored it for another half hour, telling myself over and over that I could hold it, until I finally realised I’d have to stop. An exit came up on the highway with a sign telling me that there was a service station up ahead, so I took it, jiggling around in my seat and attempting to change gears at the same time. As I took the exit, I was frantically looking around for the servo. I couldn’t see it, so I assumed it was on the other side of the highway, so I turned right and went under the highway to the other side.
All that greeted me were trucks thundering down a tree and dirt lined road AND NO SERVICE STATIONS!

I briefly considered stopping on the side of the road and popping a squat, but changed my mind when I saw how little cover there was. Having to choose between holding a pee in or showing numerous truck drivers your behind is a pretty easy decision to make.

I got back onto the highway (a total of ten minutes later) and continued searching for a servo, while loudly screaming “FUCK” and “GOD HATES ME”. Eventually I spotted one on the other side of the highway and decided to take my chances at finding out a way to get over there. I got off on the next exit and AMAZINGLY found my way to the servo. I raced in and headed straight for the bathroom. I was so close I could smell the stale pee and horrid smelling deodoriser. I put my hand on the doorknob...

Turned it...

AND IT WAS LOCKED.

I let out a groan, which was louder than I intended it to be and was about to walk to the counter to ask for a key when the attendant yelled out, “Try it again honey, I’ve just unlocked it.”

I spun around, turned the doorknob and HALLELUJAH MUTHAFUCKA the door was unlocked!

That pee was seriously the best ever. There was no toilet paper, but fuck it I didn’t care! I’d finally emptied my bladder, the sun was shining, angels were singing and unicorns were laughing.

It was a top ten moment.